That's a vague-ish and entirely unrelated to the point of this post Bob Marley reference, by the way. I haven't actually lost any friends. As I've said before I am paranoid about losing some but that's another matter.
Anyway, this is just about friends in general. I keep saying in this blog how much I love you all but I don't know if I say it enough. The specific people I'm thinking of have been in my life for two or three years now and I feel it's time I said a few things that needs to be said, albeit through a blog that only a few of you read. I'm sorry, I'm just not good at the whole face-to-face thing. As always, I'm keeping names out of it. I'm not sure why I do that, it just seems better that way, plus giving you all code-names appeals to my love of spy fiction. And nor will I be leaving any more clues as to who my mystery girl is, some of you know and some have guessed (rightly or wrongly) her identity but that is something that needs to be said face-to-face, or at least privately, and whether I get the brave up for that ultimate act of futility or not, this is not the place.
Only selected friends will be appearing this time around, but there will most certainly be a part II to this entry.
First up, Baby Bovine.
Dude, you were the first friend I made at uni. I still remember us stood a little awkwardly outside AS21 (I think), waiting for our first introduction to the course and we bonded over something that I can't quite remember, probably Star Wars knowing us. I promised you a nickname and that kind of died, but I guess if you are one of my few readers and you see this you can have Baby Bovine. It comes from something you say about your surname anyway, so it's kind of you that came up with it but to be honest, I drew a blank on the whole nickname thing.
Over the last three years we've lived together, laughed and cried together and loved and lost together. There's been times I've completely failed to understand you and times I felt you didn't quite get me, you've pissed me off at times more than anyone else and I'm sure I've done the same to you but in a way I wouldn't change it, it just works so well, you and me.
You were the first person I voluntarily told about my secret love and you read that shitty love-letter type thing that I wrote and in return I'd like to think I helped you in some way on your slightly rocky journey through the troubled land of amore. My advice hasn't always been the best but I'd like to think I never messed up too badly, except for the fact that I get well awkward around your lady friends (no idea why) and the weird coincidence that makes it seem that you can't hold on to a relationship when I go away.
I think I'll probably write the least about you because we know each other well enough that it doesn't need saying. To be fair I don't reckon you'll read it anyway so I guess it doesn't matter either way.
This last year it feels like we've seen less of each other than we should have considering we live in practically the same building but maybe that's because we actually lived together for a while. I'm leaving soon and though I hope to be back a lot, I'll still miss you.
My wish for you is that your current heartache goes away. I'm not telling you that you will or even that you should get over it, because that's the last thing one should wish on a friend, but I hope that there's some solace to be found somewhere or better yet, that the events of the last week can be reversed. I've thought about offering advice but I know how someone else's advice would be the last thing I'd want in your shoes and I'm assuming you feel the same.
And I hope you find everything else you ever go looking for.
Blogger Buddy
Another ex-housemate. We never knew each other too well even when we did live together, and that's my fault entirely. To be honest I met you like twice before I joined the house-sharing party and by then you were my friend's girlfriend - I should point out, I'm terrible with people's other halves: in fact I think I panic more about how my friends' girlfriends see me than how my own would and when I get nervous I clam up. Of course it doesn't help that you're a beautiful woman, and I generally do not cope well with beautiful women. I know you don't like to hear that but it's true. Maybe it's different coming from me, since we're just friends maybe I can say it. I hope so, I wouldn't want to think I'd made you uncomfortable in any way.
You know, of course, that you're not my secret lady. In fact you seem to be one of the few who knows who she is without being told. You're either a much shrewder guesser than everyone else or I've given away more in these blogs than I had intended or you're much better at being my friend than I am yours. Either way, your repeated offers of a chat truly are gratefully received. It's nice to know that you're there for me but for the reasons I've already stated I don't think I could take you up on those offers. It's not you, it's me. However, I hope we continue to blog and to read each others posts for a long time, to be honest you're one of about three or four people who I actually think about while I'm writing and one of only about two who I count as a reader.
If I could go back in time and start uni again, you'd be one person I'd make a lot more effort with because I really wish we had been better friends for the last three years. The little friendship we've built up over the last two years is one that I really treasure, for all that I've learnt more about you through your blog than I have through normal human interaction. I do count you as a good friend and I hope that the feeling is mutual.
Basically, this is me apologising for being one hell of a shit friend. I hope it doesn't hurt our friendship in the years to come that I can't seem to talk to you properly outside of the blogosphere/facebook - I'll try to sort that out if I can - and regardless of this, as someone who's watched your journey over the last two years with interest, I wish you every happiness in the future.
Hermione
The other person who I count as a reader, it's a good job I sent you that text the other night or I would have no idea what code name to give you that's cryptic enough to preserve the privacy you like to have. If you think I've over-stepped the privacy line, by the way, I'll be more than happy to rectify my mistake.
It's been an interesting couple of weeks since you became my new best friend. [Sorry if anyone else thought they had the crown of best friend. I don't usually have a "best" friend and prefer to love you all equally, but Hermione and me have shared some deep stuff recently. If it makes it any better, I'm not actually her best friend, she's just mine.] Anyway, it's like we are almost the mirror image of each other, on the surface the same kind of person with similar recent experiences, but then you look closer and we've taken very different things from those experiences. I'm not saying one of us is right and the other is wrong but how you see your version of our slightly similar stories is very strange to me and I can't deny that sometimes I don't understand it at all. Still, I do my best to sympathise and whilst I don't understand the way you deal with your situation, allow me to again offer my sincerest empathy for the situation you are in. It sucks. But Ron will come round, one day he'll realise Lavender's not the one he wants, needs or loves and he'll quit chasing her.
If it's any consolation, having someone to share this stuff with has made me realise once again just how much I love my Ginny, and even though Dean Thomas shows no signs of falling by the wayside you've given me the strength to carry on when times get tough.
One day, perhaps 19 years later (sorry, stuck in Harry Potter mode), we'll look back on this and laugh. Rose and Hugo will be gearing up for life at Hogwarts (you are so sending your kids to Trinity, if my extended analogy falls apart because you fail to make them love LTUC I will not be happy) and the two of you will not be able to believe how long it took Ron to work out what he wanted.
On an insignificant and possibly too cryptic side note, just because I want to show off my Harry Potter knowledge, when I said earlier that Romilda Vane had possibly misinterpreted the anonymous Valentines day singing dwarf I sent roughly in Ginny's direction, I told you the wrong song, it actually sang the intro to "If I Can't Have You" not "Did You Ever Love Somebody". It doesn't matter that much of course but I mention it because 1) I hate factual inaccuracy, 2) It gave me an excuse to link the latter song - it's one of my favourites - and 3) the song I linked kind of reminds me of you and Ron, although of course I like to think it's me and Ginny too. I'm sure you've got your own song that fits the bill, probably by the Weird Sisters (I clearly enjoy Harry Potter too much), but I just figured I'd point that out.
It's been a crazy two years since we first met and the last two weeks seem to have taken up most of what I've had to say here but I feel I should leave it here because you've gotten much more said about you than anyone else and I don't want to show too much favouritism.
PS. I hope Cormac McLaggen stops bothering you soon. OK, I'll stop now.
[A bazillion points to the house of anyone who spotted every Harry Potter reference. Minus a bazillion from anyone who got only the ones that would have appeared in the films.]
Well, I've written a shed load for just three people. I figure I better leave it there for this post but I'll be back with more. Given that I don't know exactly who reads this blog, I don't know if anyone's going to be feeling left out. In the unlikely event that you want to see my take on you, you know where I am.
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