I'm back. You know why. Good God it hurts. I thought I had it tamed but the beast has reared its head again, taking another savage swipe. The sad song playlist will be back out tonight for the first time in a couple of years and somewhere around 2am I'll start to wish, not for the first time, that I had a taste for alcohol so I can get thoroughly smashed. There's been highs and lows recently; life stuff, nothing huge, but once again there's one thing on the horizon, blotting the rest of it out like a huge life-blotting-out thing, draining the colour out of everything and putting a black hole in my stomach.
I guess the difference between won't and can't is huge, like the moon and the edge of the universe. Both distances are incomprehensible, insurmountable even, but you put something on the moon and at least you can see it, you always know it's there even if its existence is, in practical terms, little more than notional.
I've nothing left to say. Feelings won't form into sentences right now. Many more of these days to come now, I'm sure. Steeling myself to deal with them. Cat in Hell's chance.
